My Journey – Part One “I’m too young to feel this old.”

Life can be unbelievably exhausting. No matter who you are, I’m sure you’ve felt that at one point in your life it would have been easier to quit then change, quit than continue, or quit rather then deal with your critics. I probably feel this way every month. I am the type of person that seems to have more critics then fans. If I was honest, most of the criticisms are probably deserved. In fact, the older I get the more I realize how ignorant my pursuits (even the ones I thought were good ((and some where))) (can you bracket inside brackets?) were.

I’m 30. NO big deal, but in 30 years I’ve made a lot of mistakes. I’ve had a lot of opinions and I have led a lot of things. The older I get the more I realize, my opinions, for the most part are ignorant. Realistically most of my biases are uneducated and just formed by experience and coat tail riding. I’ve decided that I am going to try and not hold tightly to my opinions, but be willing to seek truth. More importantly I’ve decided LOVE, is more important then any of my opinions. Believe me, this is a hard thing. I hope I can walk in humility and grace. I want my first reactions to be ones of mercy and love.

For those that don’t know, I’m a Christian. That’s the team I’ve picked to play on. I’m not perfect, but neither is my team. I do however have a passion for my team. I believe we can change the world! In fact, I think if we do church right, we will change the world. It would be an amazing thing to see the church balance the cross and social justice. How amazing would it be to have all believers being led by the Spirit. Loving each other, teaching each other, encouraging each other and helping each other grow and live. I believe, and I’m not a radical, that if our church (all believers) is led by the Spirit we will have the best marriages, the best kids (because they are loved and encouraged), be the best employees and best employers and so on and so on. Why? Not because we get things when we are Christians, but because as we are led by the Spirit, and exhibit It’s fruits we will submit to one another, grow with one another, and have a community that is focused on the least of us. We would do this because the Cross has done it for us. It will be for His glory!! Anyway.

I was approached today after church by someone that doesn’t attend our church, and told that there were a few things I did that weren’t right. At one point he said he was not going to say anything but felt he was supposed to. If he was or wasn’t, I’m not sure. I will say though that we need to really check ourselves. If you feel offended, and that God is telling you to say something, take it home and pray. It is almost impossible, and at the least very hard for us as humans to balance what God is telling us and what our emotions are. However, what that man said, no matter how strange it was (and dumb quite frankly) will help me. I have decided to take the bigger part of what he has said and improve myself. See, in leadership we will always be under a magnifying glass. I used to fight this, but it’s true, and justly so. If we want to do amazing things, we need to have everyone on board. And the only way to have everyone on board is to be supported by everyone. The easiest way to be supported by everyone, and all there likes and dislikes is to live humbly and carefully.

I’m tired, and exhausted quite honestly. I hate having people tell me how “terrible” the things are that I do. My personality is very loud, and is an easy target. I’m not good at faking it. I’m not perfect, but I love God. My heart is never to hurt people or distract from the bigger picture but I do it easily. Almost like it’s my gift!! But, I believe, if we continue to allow the Spirit to form us, we will do what we are meant to, and that alone is worth it. I’ve talked to a few people already this morning about this. I appreciate your ears, and appreciate your insight. We all want to be better, and I love your support and friendship.

Don’t let a ticket stop you from driving!!! Get in the car, obey the road rules and you will get where you need to be. The cops aren’t judging you as a person, they are judging your actions. I feel like I’m being formed for something. I’m excited but tired.

I doubt anyone will read this. I’ve never done it in fact, but if you have read it, pray for me. Even if it’s just quick and once. Ha! Even more importantly if you have read it, I hope you will be encouraged to be who you are supposed to be for His glory. Cheers. Till my next meltdown…


P.S. If you go to someone else’s family house for dinner, don’t tell them what you don’t like about there food and how they eat. Just don’t go back, it’s not for you obviously.


2 thoughts on “My Journey – Part One “I’m too young to feel this old.”

  1. Do you really believe this? “If we want to do amazing things, we need to have everyone on board. And the only way to have everyone on board is to be supported by everyone. The easiest way to be supported by everyone, and all there likes and dislikes is to live humbly and carefully.” I think that is an impossible mission. Not the living humbly, but having everyone on board. Pastoring is a bit like being a politician. You will never have everyone understanding, let alone supporting every decision you make. Solidarity is good. However, … we need to depend on God, not on people’s approval.

  2. No, a true Jew is one whose heart is right with God. And true circumcision is not merely obeying the letter of the law; rather, it is a change of heart produced by God’s Spirit. And a person with a changed heart seeks praise from God, not from people. Rom 2:29 Change is a heart issue. Thankfully God loves our hearts and wants to change them. 🙂

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